Standing in her own shoes.

Assalamualaikum. Dear people,

This post may be the same with my previous post. "Being authentic". But its in a different theme.

Let me begin the awareness in my life journey as a start. Just this evening, my Chinese colleague again concern about me. Yes she is a very kind hearted and caring lady. She's like my soul sister. But we both have different point of views..

Just a simple matter arise, when she told me that she's currently busy with her audit work. And she tend to not so have time to chat with me in office. So, she knock my MSN in FB by asking how's my day and so forth. Then, she tend to express her feelings about being a mother to a 3 years old princess. She said that, now its been a month of sending her daughter to school, that she have to sleep early and wake up early in the morning just to prepare her daughter to school and as well as to cook for her.

I told her that, that is a usual thing a mother does. I told her that I've been in her shoes for 2 weeks when mom was away to Jakarta. That I have to be like a mother, well literally I am a mother for 2 weeks. I have to take care of him where I have to cook, doing all the house chores, take care of the car and every 'single' things. Besides my normal life of working and studying.

And she just commented that you guys are big enough to take care of yourself. Well, honestly saying, my brother is very dependent. Its hard for me to explain. In general, I did all. So, in just 2 weeks time i have learnt and feel how to be a mother. The tiredness is very... 'SUPER.' As a responsible sister, I have to take care of my brother well. The main important thing was his food. And I have to cook everyday(which indirectly enhances my cooking skills) hahaha :D

Not only that, there are several thing, i mean unwanted things happened at home where our pipe leaks. And I have no contact at all..Been asking for help from ustaz, but he's busy with his works. Been calling the plumber but no answer as it happened on sunday, shops closed at that time. I was like have no idea what to do. Not only that, on one fine morning...I was asking my brother to open the gas and ask him to boil water for morning b'fast but when I went to the kitchen to check, the gas was wrongly opened where there was fire on the pans instead of the water boiler. I was like terribly feared that it will turned bad. Especially to my house. But finally, i tried to relax and close the gas and try to put down the fire by using the handkerchief instead of pouring the water directly to the gas, I believe it wouldn't help. Ya Allah... I was like stunned with what had just happened. Allah still love us.. And when I asked my brother, he told me that he opened the gas for the water not the pan.. argghh.. I couldnt argue more, I dont wana fight w/him. So, I just keep it quite.

Its not easy living alone without my mother... I terribly scared after what had just happened. I just keep faith, keep on praying that everything will be in good and safe condition after mom return.

You cant say and judge me just by looking at me once. Look deeper and you'll know it. Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu yang memikulnya... D Brunei ani, Ada keluarga macam nada keluarga... Kan minta tolong pun payah. People never understand me, Its not easy being half Bruneian and half Indonesian. People tend to hate mother more. They hate my hereditary. But they just dont know that my mother is not what they think all these while. Its totally the other way round.

Being honest with everyone in this world, my mother is very deep in her religion. Seorang yang tekun pada agamanya, tidak pernah meninggalkan solatnya. My father met her when my mom was working in Indonesia back 20 years then. My mom is not an amah, that a man could simply marry her just like that. Mom is an office worker in Indonesia, She was a secretary and a supervisor in a big book store in Indonesia. But people often misjudge her. And I dont understand and never want to understand jua why Bruneian is too choosy with Indonesian. I can say, Bruneian are very close minded! I dont mean all but for some yang nda pernah membuka hatinya untuk bisa menerima.

And that's why, I am here in this world to defend my mom!!!! Whoever in this world try to mess w/my mother. Mess with me FIRST! I used to hate my life, but this is what I have been given. I have to accept it with open heart. And I try to be deaf with all what people will say. I will prove to them that I can succeed tho I am half Indonesian. They doesn't know that Indonesian is not all a low class people. When you step your feet to JAKARTA, you will know there are lots of intellectual and rich people there. When I went back to JAKARTA last december, Its different than what Bruneian may perceive, you yourself will astonished if you see it w/your own eyes. Their houses(asset) is much bigger that the Bruneians. The word "WOW" will come out from your mouth, believe me..If disini, hanya kaya dtg dari hutang bukan dari saving. Rumah hutang, kereta hutang, kawin hutang, everything hutang. hmm

I have one Bruneian-Indonesian friend. He is a guy...degree graduated from German taking up politics. I used to express my feeling w/him about my life. And at that time I wasnt know that he is half Bru & Ind. Father, Indonesian and mom, Bruneian. After a while, he told me the truth. And it gives me the strength. Kita bukan kaum yang bisa dilemahkan..Kita juga boleh berjaya.. And Im glad to know him..Form there, I gain a courage. I dont make up a story and if you dont believe me, you cari namanya di M.O.E.

The first quote that applied to my life was "dont judge a book by its cover".

Maaf readers di luar sana, Please dont be offended with all my sayings.. I have the right to speak my own words. I am a human being like all of you guys. Ingat saja kita hidup di dunia hanya sementara, hanya akhirat yang kekal.. Oleh itu, kita harus sadar bahawa manusia di dunia ini sama rata, tiada yang lebih mahupun kurang, hanya saja kita diberikan kelebihan dan kekurangan. Segala kekurangan yang diberi itulah, Allah menyuruh kita berusaha merubahnya...

I am sorry to the very deep end of my heart, just to open your eyes, dunia ani bukan hanya ada Brunei.. Tapi bermacam2 negara... dan kita semua sama.......

Yang baik datang dari Allah, yang buruk sesungguhnya datang dari kita sendiri..